Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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