So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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