a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
