Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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