if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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