why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
FUCK WHALES
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