dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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