the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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