dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
