We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
