We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
