My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
