i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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