i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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