I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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