I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
