I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize