Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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