I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
