I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So much rum. So many feels.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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