I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
