As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
