I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
