The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
