i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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