You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
