no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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