I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
