take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize