She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
