i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
