my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
