We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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