I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
