hotel room ftw
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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