I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
