and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
