I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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