Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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