did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
