So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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