If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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