I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
home. puking in laundry basket.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
