he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
