I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
