Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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