If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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