the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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