i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
