Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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