also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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