What did we do last night that was yellow?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
