Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
