she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I have already put on my inside pants.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
