Four minutes until I can fart!
Operation Purity has been aborted
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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