i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize