We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
