you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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