Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The air was thick with penises
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize