Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
