I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
