in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It was like getting head from an anaconda
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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