i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
