why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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