she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
