So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
