Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
