he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
