I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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