Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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