Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I want a musical about memes.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
