im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
