Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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