U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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