I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Mom said you looked used
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
