we have pet lesbian snakes
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
