ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I need mimosas to revive my soul
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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