ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
