My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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