Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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