are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize