Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
