dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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