Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
