Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
