I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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