You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
