i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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