ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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