You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
