Where is the hickey?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
