You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
