All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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