I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
