For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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