No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
