Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
