he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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