Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
