Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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