Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
